Jag fick en tanke när jag lyssnade på Tim McGraws låt ”Live like you dying”, om jag skulle göra en bucket list till mig själv om vad som var viktigaste för mig att uppleva om jag hade en vecka kvar i livet. Det är inte så lätt men jag insåg snabbt att jag fortfarande lever mitt liv under vissa rädslor. Jag som trott att jag passerat de flesta av dem, att jag jobbat mig igenom rädslorna för att få känna mig som den fria människa som jag strävar efter att bli. Det som jag fortsätter att tjata om, att allting är ett val. Ska jag vara helt ärlig så…. ja jag kämpar också med dessa frågor för att göra dessa till verklighet i mitt liv. Det är det som är verkliga livet. Att uppleva uppgång och motgång. Det är där våra lärdomar sitter. Jag kan få en bild av min själ på insidan av min kropp som bara sitter och studerar, nickar och hummar. Att jag (i och med att jag är min själ) studerar mig själv och bara tar in. Här kämpar jag dagligen med min kropp, mitt sinne, mina tankar och mina val och på insidan sitter ”jag” och bara studerar. Man kan nästan bli lite frustrerad. Hjälp mig istället. Ge mig något facit. Ge mig någonting att gå på. Men nej. Kampen är min. Lärdomarna är mina. Problemen är mina att lita ut och att ta lärdom av. Sedan i mitt efterliv där har själen memorerat allting för att ta det med sig till nästa avatar/lärdomar.
Men skulle jag göra en bucket list…. jag ska fundera på den och återkommer..
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